The Story This Year...

When I last wrote here, I had teeth, I was healthy, didn’t have mold growing on my bed and it was nice and sunny in Kodi and my father was still alive…

That was more than a couple of months ago.

As 2012 comes to a close, I reflect on the year.  It was certainly a strange one, full of changes, false promises, and forlorn hopes and interesting people. 

The year started off well enough.  I met one of the most wonderful people I know in January with whom I started a budding friendship.  Today she is one of my closest confidants and a pillar of support when I need it.  In February and March I started looking for teaching opportunities in India and I was getting very positive feedback and in April I finally chose this job here at KIS.  In the meantime, Delhi was great; I made some great friends, ate great food and spent many warm evenings on balconies, drinking wine and contemplating what future awaited me.  I was also living on a Munirka DDA rooftop with an old friend and his mother.

In May, there was a wonderful trip to Dharamsala with old and new friends which ended with a destroyed hard drive and the news of my father’s hospitalization.  I quit ICF after four wonderful years, with melancholy in my heart.  I said goodbye to good friends and spent my last couple of weeks, just staring into space on my balcony.  It was time to say goodbye to familiarity… yet again.  The first of June, as I left Delhi, was particularly a difficult day. I felt as if my stomach and spleen had been ripped out so my heart could fall into that cavity… I came back to Kolkata.

June in Kolkata was perhaps one of the lowest points in the year.  Dad and I constantly argued about everything.  We were due to shift into a smaller flat we had bought, but he refused to move.  Everything that I did or said was wrong and I fell into a severe pit of inconsolability.  Even my friends who came to visit were treated with disdain.  I don’t know what caused this change in personality, but instead of dealing with it with patience I dealt with it with anger and hate.  Suddenly all the Zen habits I had cultivated over the years kicked me in the groin and left me writhing in the ground… I could not wait to get out of Kolkata and head to Kodi to start anew.

Coming into Kodi was a novel experience.  Everything was new.  I knew no one, and no one knew me.  I immersed myself into the place.  I tried to get caught up in my life at KIS, but at every instance there was a nagging feeling in my bones.  Every evening when I sat in my cottage by the fire, I was reminded of a certain voices, the sound of an echoing laugh, and the sense of a familiar touch… and I would end up feeling melancholic and spend the dusk hours contemplating the world in a daze.  I spent several hours writing poetry about certain memories and it would make me smile, but all the while, what I really longed for was to run away from my responsibilities.  Not to mention, constant issues with the water, the mold, the dampness, and the utter destruction of both my LP players made me feel cursed. 

The days rolled by… there were camping trips and long hikes, and even a herpetology and nature camp, but still I felt imprisoned in my own mind.  Continuing my spate of poor luck, I also chipped and broke my three front teeth in a hiking accident – the healing and capping process for that was quite painful.  I was also attacked by a dog and suffered severe allergies from the mold in the house.  In mid-September, dad started complaining of his health again, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.  He kept urging me to quit my job and just come home and I thought it was a ploy to get me back to Kolkata.  I ignored it.

Then in early November, I got a call saying my dad is severely ill and that I should come back.  I made emergency preparations and rushed back home… three days later dad passed away of a heart attack in the hospital.  We didn’t get to speak before he died.  When we took him to the cremation grounds, he was just a shriveled up body – a far cry from his imposing aura that he carried around with him all his life.  Watching dad burn, for the first time in my life I truly felt alone and mortal.  There was a strange and unfathomable emptiness.  True, relatives and friends came out of the woodwork when dad died… but in the end I was alone.  I did my penance.  Thirteen days of wearing a dhoti and a small piece of cloth, sleeping on the floor, eating boiled food, shaving my head and doing the last rites. I did it all like a machine.  Even now it hasn’t sunk in that there is no longer anyone looking over my shoulder.  Perhaps it will when I am alone in my cottage in Kodi…

I have now made the move to the new apartment.  I am in the process of furnishing it and dealing with the enormous amount of paperwork that goes with the aftermath of death.  I suppose even dead men must pay taxes.  There is a lot of work to be done, and some moments, as of right now, I feel overwhelmed and lost.  I have a goal to work towards.  There are things I need to and want to do and I will do them.  Not just for me, but for the people I love and care about.  All I ask for is a little patience.

I wonder what tales 2013 will bring.

End of the Cycle...

It’s the end of the third cycle.  There are no weeks here at KIS… they follow a system of a six day cycle.  It’s horribly confusing at first, but it actually makes a lot of sense.  I’m not even going to attempt and explain it, but suffice to say that the schedule of classes shifts every week as per the 6 day cycle.  If there is a holiday, that day’s classes will be held the next day and so on.

I’ll say this.  Teaching is really hard work.  I like the engaging aspect of it.  I love sharing all the esoteric junk in my head with the students and tie in all my various experiences to seemingly silly ideas.  It’s the repetition and test paper prep that I’m beginning to dislike.  Repetition, because there are always students who miss a class because they are ill or had to go for football, who want a catch up one-on-one class.  I have a new found admiration for teachers.  Kids can be infuriating, you have to talk when all you want to do is shut-up and close your eyes. 

Sometimes I forget that my students are 15, 16, and 17 and expect too much from them, but at least I was not expecting someone to say “Lenin” when I asked who started the First Gulf War or give “Air tax” as an answer for government taxes.  I’ve taken it upon myself to make my class more than just economics.  Yesterday, we talked about the atom bomb, the Korean War, definition of a second, CIA and the paintings of Jackson Pollock, 9/11, the economics of politics and why e^2πi = 1.

So at final count I have 88 students in the 11^th grade for economics and 17 students as my advisees or in my tutorial group.  The kids range from the bright and studious, to the suck ups, to the smart and lazy and the downright delinquents.  Basically every classroom you’ve ever experienced in the world, it’s just strange being on the other side of the fence and imagining which one I was. 

I’m also the new co-advisor for the National Honor Society, but, as the name suggests, these kids are so good that I usually don’t have to lift a finger.  I was disappointed that there is no school newspaper or a debating club at KIS, so I’ve started a debate and speech club… let’s see how it goes.

Apart from the school work, which eats up a lot of my time, I’m still enjoying hiking and poker on the weekends, and table tennis in the evenings with the other staff members.

Kodi is a beautiful place, and teaching is great, especially for a self-advertising braggart like me who loves a captive audience… but there is still something missing.  A panging loneliness in the quiet and gloom of an old mountain cottage… even if there is a roaring fire to warm me.  Can’t put my finger on it...

And oh yeah, I saw my first herd of bison, about fifteen strong, last week a little ways from my house...

Till Classes...

So a week has passed since I arrived at Kodi.

Classes are going to start tomorrow.  I'm both anxious and excited.  The week has been interesting to say the least.  I've met a flurry of new faces - teachers, administrative staff, support staff, new students, old students, parents.  I remember perhaps 10% of the names...

Some things have been a little annoying.  I'll get the complaining out of the way first.  I found two snakes sunbathing on my driveway... later I realized they were dead, but still.  Not the biggest fan of snakes.  My bathroom roof has a small leak - classic problem with old houses!  My kitchen light doesn't work, so I've been cooking by candlelight whenever I crave Maggi in the evenings.  And worst of all my Aquaguard water filter is spilling out yellow water.  That needs replacing.  Maintenance, I've learnt, is the most important department here at Kodi and I'm trying to make friends with most of the people there.

Ok complaints over.

Oh and, I am yet to see a ruddy bison that I've been hearing so much about!  The new French teacher had a herd in his front yard, and I had two dead snakes!

Ok, really, complaints over...

I have worked out a great dinner system though.  My neighbor, who is an excellent cook has decided to cook for me and another neighbor dinner everyday as long as we contribute to supplies and company.  We have had some great meals so far...

The week's also been a beehive of activity.  Preparing lesson plans.  Learning how to make lesson plans.  Learning how to use the hi-fi software to make the lesson plans.  Filling out paperwork, shopping for the house, more orientation work, learning where stuff is on campus, meeting more new people, more orientation activities... I am a bit exhausted.  And classes haven't even started yet.  I go to bed with a sigh.

Then I wake up in the morning to a bright sunshine, and the mist rolls onto campus at about noon, and all is sublime.  Sometimes, when I need a break, I stand by the window of my departmental office with a cup of coffee and watch as the mist covers the lake.  It is then that I wish that the people I love could be here with me to see this in silence...

Next update after the first week of classes!

Early Morning Impressions…

(Photos on Facebook… not uploading them here too)

Over the last couple of days I’ve explored tiny sections of Kodi.  I went for a walk around the lake which is deceptively large.  Covering the circumference of the lake takes about an hour or so and along the way there are little benches and information about the various trees growing around the lake.  There are always random young tourists taking photos in abandoned boat houses, and strangely a lot of people on tandem bikes.  I got caught under a tree with a stray dog in a massive downpour and took the time to pen some thoughts, the result of which is the previous post.

The lake is a bit more commercial than I would like, particularly in the afternoons.  There are a dime a dozen kitsch shops and boating and other random fairground stuff around the Eastern side of the lake.  The western side of the lake is more remote and desolate and surrounded by orchard estates and perfect for a lazy afternoon.  I am, however, yet to find a suitable location for my hammock.

I woke up the second morning to the sound of namaz.  Kodi, I learnt, is home to an equal presence of Hindu, Muslim, and Christian populace.  It’s like a peaceful Jerusalem.  I was walking around the streets and saw random halal biriyani joints next to churches selling the most massive jackfruits I have ever seen (6Kg+). 

But perhaps the most surprising thing about Kodi so far is the sheer number of “Eucalyptus Oil, Organic Spices, and Homemade Chocolate” stores there are, all apparently sanctioned by the TN government.  I am yet to try one of these places though.  Also on the list is the Kodi Cheese Shop which is supposed to have really good locally made soft cheeses and parmesan.

I was invited to dinner at Ketaki’s home, who is part of the HR team here, along with Amit Roy, my neighbor from Bombay, and Katrina, and Eric (also from Minnesota), who teaches World History and TOK.  Ketaki and her husband, Josh recently moved here with their two sons Kartik and Noah from Maryland, and we had a lot to talk about NOVA.  Ketaki, who is half Bengali, made payas for us all and it was great.

My shipment also finally arrived, albeit fairly damaged.  A lens on my telescope broke, and so did my portable LP Players turnstile, and some crockery.  I’m most disappointed about my LP player, but luckily I have two, though the second one is not nearly as good on sound.

I have also started eating at various places around Kodi.  Some have been less than impressive, some quite good.  I’ll cover food in Kodi in the next installment.

Test the Water

These days,
Rain comes hurtling
In my general direction,
Like arrows from a cruel bow.
I fend them as best
As I possibly can, but
When you join the quiver,
I am crestfallen.
My courage wanes
And tears choke me.


But my love triumphs.
For I know:


If you are the rain,
Then I am the lake.
You make me who I am,
You are a part of me.
Whether you are
Warm and gentle,
Or harsh and heavy,
Or sleet and hail,
My body will always
Embrace you as you fall.
For without you,
I would not be me.


And together,
We are sublime.

Getting Here...

Day 1

I left for Kodaikanal from Calcutta on the 6^th of July with a very strange feeling in my gut – a combination of excitement, apprehension, and the tension of leaving behind everything and heading towards a new land and a new lifestyle.

The flight to Chennai was rather unremarkable, except for the elaborately plump young Bengali couple sitting next to me.  The wife emasculated her husband all through the trip while elbowing me in the stomach while I was clutching my pillow and trying to catch up on some sleep.

Chennai to Madurai was also eventless except that my iPhone charger blew up at the Madras airport and I flew in a propeller-Vayadoot plane.  I had never been in one before so I kept staring at the engines from the window throughout the flight.  Yes, I’m very easily fascinated.

At oven hot Madurai ours was the only plane at the airport!  Mr. Rajni Siva picked me up in an Indica taxi and we were on our way to Kodi.  The 137 km drive takes about 3 hours with a couple of breaks in between and Mr. Siva happily taught me some Tamil phrases and basic counting along the way while telling me about his family, and about the local flora.  As we hit the Palini hills, the climate suddenly chilled and a light mist descended around the peaks. 

It was about 8 in the evening when we pulled into the Main Gate of Kodaikanal International School where Katrnina Derrick, the drama teacher from Wisconsin was waiting for us to show me my new home.  KIS is spread across Kodaikanal with multiple campuses and staff housing.  Mine turned out to be a little cottage in the middle school campus called Hiawatha House about a five minute walk from the lake.  My neighbor, Amit, who I will be meeting tomorrow at a dinner with our hosts, lives in a cottage called Minihaha. 

Dropping my stuff off, I went out for a little tour of the area with Katrina and her husband Naveen who is a free-lance nature preservationist and motivational speaker from Mt. Abu in Rajasthan.  He told me what he really missed here in Kodi is his old Enfield motorbike and we talked about Motorcycle Baba and Rajasthan.  We finished the evening with a dinner of dal-bati at a new Rajasthani family run place called Aby’s Café.

Back in my really large (2 and a half bedroom) and tastefully furnished cottage, it was really chilly and slightly damp, as is common with these hillside cottages, so I started a small fire in my fireside boiler and went through all the introductory paperwork that HR had left for me at the cottage – which included Maggie, coffee, biscuits, oatmeal, and a carton of Slim Milk.  There is a eucalyptus oil distillery close to my cottage, so leaving the windows open allows the minty smell of eucalyptus to waft into the room.

I went to bed after making a few calls, wrapped in the linen and thin blankets the school had provided but couldn’t sleep.  I was hit with a sense of longing for familiarity and people I love who I’ve left behind.  I wanted to write about it, but it was too cold to think really, and I got too lazy to go stoke the fire…

So here I am now, seven thousand feet up in the Palini hills, en-route to becoming a lonely high school economics teacher.   Who would have thought…

Breath and Fog

As I rest my warm cheek

On the cool pillow,

I imagine it is your bosom.

I trace my fingers and

Imagine it is your arm,

Goose bumped by the cold

And my breath on your ears.

You let out a soft groan

As you squirm and shift

And I bury my face deeper,

Inhaling deeply your scent.

I kiss you and you sleepily

Push my face away

Crooning my name.

Then your hazel eyes open

And you stare at me mysteriously;

And I wonder

How can I not help but

Be in love with you?

My Favorite Place

Of your mind, your face,

Your panache, your grace,

The crook of your neck

Is my favorite space.

It tastes so true

Striking the root of my base,

That when you’re gone, I feel,

Damn, I really miss that place…

Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

There’s the great pita,

There’s the great white,

One you eat,

The other eats you,

If you haven’t figured that out,

You’re not too bright.

Swaying

In the gentle breeze
And a soft drizzle,
With smooth polka sunlight
Streaming through the foliage,
You and I,
In a red cocoon,
Entangled in an embrace,
An approving twang rang
As our lips touched.
Thoughts and questions?
What need have we for these?
All is bliss, all is bliss.

Peylooshe [1]

It was the penultimate day,
The day before the end,
When we were all,
Destined to cease.


Then
I caught your eye,
And we were lost
In a cascade
Of hair and arms and backs;
In the joy of being
One.


Sounds drowned
People stood still.
We lived a lifetime
Between heartbeats


In that moment.
Freedom didn’t
Come at a price
You waited for me
In the valley of Death
And I gladly rode to my doom
Into your arms.


The world exploded
Around us
But Mother held us in the
Palm of her hands
The world ended,
But we were quite calm
For together
There is no fear,
Just the warmth of a
Peylooshe.


[1] Peylooshe is defined as a state of being in a permanent, warm, comforting, and loving embrace.

Weather-Shether

My room 
Is completely dark at noon,
Massive storm clouds
In the horizon loom.


Are they what
My mind has wrought?
Controlling the weather?
I think not.


For what reason should I
Want my sun be blot?


The earthy smell
Of the rain.
Washes away a
Very human pain.


Pitter, patter
Pitter, patter
All your shackles,
I’ve come to shatter.


The rain you see
Is really me,
It’s only my arms,
That will set you free.

The Gloom of the TV

In a dark, empty room

There is only

The gloom of the TV.

It is late,

But I write because

Sleep escapes me.

A happy memory and a

Half-filled thought,

Reminds me how

Your face would look,

Bathed in,

The gloom of the TV.

And if you heard me

Say these words,

Your eyebrows would arch,

And your lips curl,

I would melt,

And all would be right.

By The Horns

See me,
Let me see you,
Make the world
In our heads real.


For the time we
Won't have tomorrow,
Make today,
Eternal.

The City Burnt Brightly

Raging towers of inferno

Swirled in an ashen night sky.

Trees looked angry as smoke

Bellowed from their fiery crowns.

Buildings crumbled,

Engulfed in columns of fire.

The billowing ash made the moon

Seem cold, blue, and distant.

Scorched earth and hot sand

Burnt the naked soles of my feet.

The city burnt brightly behind me

As I waited for you at the pier.

Panic swept across

The ordinarily serene harbor.

People ran frantically.

Men and women and children

Families, friends, and lovers

Dashed to the nearest boats

To rescue their

Hopes, dreams, and fantasies.

I waited for you at the pier

With nothing else,

But the memories of us together.

As the boats began to fill,

Mad men threw themselves

Into the murky toxic waters

To swim for the distant shore

I watched in wonder and

Lamented their fall, and

I stood there waiting at the pier,

Wondering where you are.

What lengths we go to escape?

Fight the choking hand

Of Fate and Destiny we might.

But there is no relief

From this mortal coil

If you are not here tonight.

All the ships had sailed away

And I still waited for you at the pier

I stood there alone

As the city burned brightly behind me.

You never came,

But I still waited for you at the pier

Hoping you’ll rescue me,

As the flames danced in closer.

A Fool's Voyage

I will sail my ship

Against the raging sea.

I will steer between

Scylla and Charybdis,

Battle one-eyed demons

And challenge night terrors.

I will fight sea monsters

And seductive sea nymphs.

I will dance with danger

And risk against my instincts.

All to come back to you;

So I can drown,

In your harbor.

Come With Your Sorrows

Come with your sorrows.

Your back hunched

Bearing the weight of this

Dire and wicked world.

Come with your pain.

A contorted face,

So small, dry, and weak,

Tired of the masks you wear.

Come with your jaleb.

A soft ringing laugh

That echoes around,

Long after you purse your lips.

Come as Yourself.

With a pocket of dreams,

And all your misgivings.

I will still be here, always.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

I will squeeze your hand
When you are scared.


You will feel my touch
Even when I am not there.


I will stand beside you
But cast no shadow.


Don't be afraid of the dark
I will be your Jesus.


I ask for nothing in return
But your love...

Rob Roy, Michael Collins, Qui Gon Jinn, Zeus!

Probably the best thing Liam Neeson has done... at least the funniest.

Watch and weep with amusement!

DOSCO Class of '03 Fallen Comrades List

As our 10 year reunion date approaches, I was just putting together a list of my fellow Class of 2003 DOSCOs who are now married.  This list includes DOSCOs who left after A-form as well; so all in all about 80 odd people.  Not in chronological order:

1. Angad Singh Gand
2. Shashi Vaish
3. Ravinder Brar
4. Kunj Behari Maheshwari
5. Abhimanyu Singhi
6. Bishen Singh Arora
7. Ankit Khaitan
8. Abhenav Khettry
9. Jatinder Pal Bhattal
10. Abhishek Singh
11. Yeaffer Ahmed
12. Kaushlendra Singh
13. Akhil Jain
14. Ruchika Sabrewal

Did I miss anyone?