Bart Simpson's Lessons

A burp is not an answer.
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
Bart Bucks are not legal tender.
Coffee is not for kids.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
Funny noises are not funny.
Garlic gum is not funny.
Goldfish don't bounce.
High explosives and school don't mix.
I am not a 32 year old woman.
I am not a dentist.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
I am not deliciously saucy.
I did not see Elvis.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will finish what I sta
I will never win an emmy.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not belch the National Anthem.
I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
I will not bring sheep to class.
I will not burp in class.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not call my teacher Hot Cakes.
I will not call the principal Spud Head.
I will not carve gods.
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
I will not cut corners.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not do anything bad ever again.
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not draw naked ladies in class.
I will not drive the principal's car.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not encourage others to fly.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I will not fake my way through life.
I will not fake seizures.
I will not get very far with this attitude.
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
I will not instigate revolution.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
I will not say Springfield just to get applause.
I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will not sell school property.
I will not show off.
I will not skateboard in the halls.
I will not sleep through my education.
I will not snap bras.
I will not spank others.
I will not squeak chalk.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.
I will not trade pants with others.
I will not waste chalk.
I will not Xerox my butt.
I will not yell Fire in a crowded classroom.
I will not yell She's Dead at roll call.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
It's potato, not potatoe.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
My name is not Dr. Death.
No one is interested in my underpants.
Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
Spitwads are not free speech.
Tar is not a plaything.
Teacher is not a leper.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
They are laughing at me, not with me.
This punishment is not boring and pointless. Underwear should be worn on the inside.