The Folly of Wearing Neckties

by James Head

Every time I tie a tight and twisted tie
about my throat
I cannot help but laugh and cry
at such an action, such a rote,
for though I know that it's for a show
no longer to protect the coat
or shirt it still seems rather pert
for something once designed for dirt.

And so I use a handkerchief
when messily devouring beef;
Spaghetti sauce is often lost
and ruins silken cloths embossed,
and so I bring a baby's bib
should I decide to try a rib.
I roll up my sleeves and pin my cuffs
trying not to soil my ruff.

And it seems so absurd to me
that possibly - in a century -
humankind may live to see
a tissue (made not to be used through
normal means of wiping a face)
assume a prim and proper place
upon the necks of well dressed gents
who drape some dreary barber's capes
about their napes in order to collect
the wayward contents of their p(a)lates.

(The necktie was actually invented in Coratia as a means to stop food from falling on your shirt while eating...)