Welcome to the first installment of "The Fine Wines of Hollywood"
Today we bring you Chateau Nicolas Cage; makers of fine California Reds.
NC has consistently produced some of the best so-bad-it's-awesome wines. The pungency of NC's wines work on multiple levels. On the first swig you're hit with awful, but as you drink deep, you taste the myriad giddy flavors of mind-fuck with an after stink that possesses you and forces you to drink every NC wine, including *shudder* "G-Force".
Perhaps, this vineyard's finest production till date is 2010's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" - light on the mind but very, very heavy on the soul. Although they did not hit the high arse-gravy standards of "TSA", there have been other equally unabashed, unappreciated gems such as 2008's "Bangkok Dangerous", and 2005's "National Treasure".
Of course, one of Chateau NC's crowning achievement was "Knowing" in 2009. When I first drank "Knowing", I thought to myself, "wait a minute, I've tasted this wine before!" - this is the same heart wrenching feeling I had drinking "Next" in 2007! Nick C is the only vinyard I know who's remade his own wine within a year of its release. First they made "Knowing", then they made "Next", or maybe it's the other way around, I can never tell.
2011 promises to be NC's finest vintage yet, although there are rumors of the vineyards impending financial difficulties. Us avid drinkers, who grew up on NC's spew from yesteryear are waiting with bated breath for the two most anticipated releases of the new year - the aptly named "The Season of the Witch", and "Drive Angry 3D" - which is essentially "Ghost Rider" with cars.
A word of caution - NC's wines will get you bat-shit drunk, and you'll love it!
HAHA This post is awesome! I mean...quite savory!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know he was in "G-Force." And I can't believe you saw that.
The Weatherman is not THAT bad. It's easily the best film mentioned in this post, and I'm sure I'm right even though I haven't seen the other films you talked about.
I wonder how many shitty movies it will take before he is financially stable. I miss the "Face/Off" and "Lord of War" Nic Cage.
Changed "The Weatherman" to "National Treasure".
ReplyDeleteSorcerer's Apprentice sucked my soul out. Not watching another Disney-Cage movie!
ReplyDelete"National Treasure" was entertaining. The sequel was complete shit.
ReplyDeleteOn an unrelated/related note, have you guys heard of the movie "The Room"?? It is absolutely the BEST worst movie of all time.