Just So Stories [1]

Last week, James Head and I entered into a little duologue similar to our duel of bad poetry in October 2005. This time each of us had 12 hours to respond. Here are the results so far. It's still going on and I'll put up the new ones if we come up with anything good.

James:

"So, what about that big, glowing, floating hat behind you?"

"Are you retarded?"

"Yes."

Maity:

So a baby walks into a topless bar, and is really confused. Then he puts his hat down and gets a drink. All the girls try to hook up with him. They coo, whine and serenade him with intelligent conversation. He puts down his scotch and says, "Sorry ladies, I don't speak retard", and walks away without his milk.

James:

So the milkman is going on his early morning route when he comes across Mrs. Macabee - who is in her front yard, in her nightgown, watering the petunias. The milkman is a little puzzled by this, since it's 4:30 in the morning and it's still dark out. He approaches Mrs. Macabee and says, "Exuse me. Mrs. Macabee? Your petunias are on fire." And she says,"Well that's why I'm watering them, asshole!"

Maity:

So Mr. Petunia hated his name. All his life he had been teased about flowers. "Wimp in the Wind" they sang for him. He traveled far and wide and sought a wise man to weed his thoughts.

"Why must I live with such a name?" he asked the wise man.

"Because you are a flower, my son."

The next day, Mr. Petunia shot himself.

James:

So they're shooting a scene for this movie at a local diner. It is supposed to be a fight scene between two men, but the second man is nowhere to be found. For three hours they wait, meanwhile they are constantly trying to reach him by phone but to no avail. Just when they are about to give up and leave, the makeup artist volunteers to play his part.

"I'll do it," she says "I know his entire part."

The director says, "But you're a woman. The part calls for a man. You don't even resemble him slightly!"

And she says, "Well you don't even resemble Danny Devito's dick!"

Maity:

So Danny DeVito is playing chess with the leader of his local motorbike gang - The Unsteady Serpents when his phone rings.

"That's my missus", he says, "she has a special vibrator."

"Aww phooey, you're just saying that", the leader replied.

"No, no, really, you do."

And they made love on the giant chessboard.

James:

So Gary Kasparov is playing Deep Blue when Deep Blue takes one of his pawns en passant. Being Russian, Kasparov tries to accuse Deep Blue of cheating.

"Confounded machine!" he cries "Somehow the Americans fixed it to cheat against me!"

Deep Blue says, "En passant - it's French, bitch, you wouldn't understand."

Kasparov drinks himself into a stupor and goes on a rampage, destroying six chessboards and a child's bicycle.

Maity:

So Tweedledee and Tweedledum were riding their tricycles down Le Rouge de Spassky when they smell Chinese food in the crisp night air of Champagne. Tn'T park their ride on the curb and walk into an old drinking house made entirely of used Dell computers. They had heard rumors that the maitre'd there spoke a Spanish that reeked with an odd New Zealand accent. Tn'T didn't really care though, tonight was not a night to give in to their explosive nature.

As they enter, the maitre'd walks over to them and asks "qué la voluntad usted tiene?"

Tweedledum just shakes his head.

Tweedledee glances up from the menu and says "I'll have the sex on toast, please. [2]"

James:

So a clown heard about this great dish called sex on toast from his colleagues Messrs. Dee and Dum, and is riding his bicycle to the diner where it is served. While rounding a corner his front tyre sinks into a huge pothole and the wheel shoots off, hitting a small child and killing him instantly. The clown is ejected head first over the handle bars and into an open manhole cover, but instead of making a clean entrance he hits every possible rung of the ladder going down, breaking all the bones in his body above the waist. He is rushed to the hospital but is pronounced dead shortly thereafter. Meanwhile, the mother of the dead child decides she cannot go on living and throws herself into oncoming traffic and dies.

Maity:

So in a hospital just outside Panhole City, a large man, clad in Samurai battle armour and a doctor's apron, walked into the waiting room carrying a large katana and a grave expression. The sword was soaked in blood and left a crimson trail as he walked through the room to a very worried looking couple at the far end. The couple looked at him questioningly and the samurai said, "I'm sorry ma'am but your clown died in surgery."

(To be continued... maybe)

[1] Nothing to do with Mr. Kipling at all.

[2] Consider it as a homage to Murmurlark.

At my signal, unleash Hell!

I may be of the female gender but I enjoy more than my share of action flicks. Most of the time, I just check my brain and semblance of feminism at the door. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a brainless movie about stuff blowing up; needless, exaggerated fights/deaths; and/or a hero who saves the day against impossible, mounting odds or honorably dies trying? I sure do.

Before the movie Sin City came out, I had never heard of it nor the comic book. All I knew after watching the trailers was that I HAD to watch this movie because a) it looked kick-ass and b) Clive Owen was in it. The same pretty much applies to 300. Epic fight scenes? Check. Good-looking guy(s) that most guys want to emulate and girls can squeal over? Check. (Gerard Butler)

And of course, there are always the critics of these action movies. Some said Sin City was too gory. Noted. But as they say, if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen! If you can't handle the gore/violence, don't watch it. Plain and simple. I personally hate scary movies so I will never be caught dead watching one. Ever again, that is. I've learned my lesson. (Though I am not afraid of the so-called scary slasher movies which are not scary at all. I'm just scared of the weird, mess-with-your-head shit like IT and pretty much every Japanese horror movie, especially those with scary-looking little kids that make me never want to have kids of my own.) Critics of 300 have used excuses like the violence factor, the innane plot (hello, it's an action movie!), and the recently expoused excuse: it will provoke anger toward a certain peoples. I read an article saying that Iranians were in an uproar over the movie, which portrays Persians as "decadent, sexually flamboyant, and evil in contrast to the noble Greeks." Some even go so far as to say the movie is Hollywood's declaration of war against Iranians because it is insulting and promotes hatred towards Persians. First of all, I'm sure more than half the Americans who will actually go to watch 300 do not have the slightest inkling that Iran is in any way related to Persia. I bet many think it's a separate country and some may not have even heard of Persia. It's sad but probably true. Second of all, since when does an action movie, based on a comic no less, wholly and acurately represent a peoples? This whole thing is reminiscent of how Kazakhs were mad about the Borat movie. Movies are movies. They're one or a few people's take on something and is, oftentimes, a skewed version of reality or a total deviation from it. But above all, movies are for entertainment. People just need to get the sticks out of their asses.

End note: Anyone actually watch 300? I've heard it's been topping the box office and both good and bad reactions. Well, I'll be seeing it soon enough.

Have you any wool?

This is not a joke. I think this just may top Snakes on a Plane.

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary.

Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking! about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires, e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as The Office, Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after fully carrying out task #1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2007. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer, which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine, with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2007) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

"Let the eagles soar. Shoot down the turkeys."

First Order Condition...

There was a boy called Peter, he hated remembering things, so he became creative.


But he remaied true to the truths of reality, refusing to accept the mumbo-jumbo of science.

Yet he always remembered the important things...

In his groove he knew the answers to impossible questions

But all this power drove him to madness... and an unfortunate end.

In his fond memory, each year, we award the Retard Hat prize.

Long live Peter.

Seriously??!

So a friend of mine just sent me this AMAZINGLY bizarre article about a woman who didn't even know she was pregnant until she was about to give birth because she was obese. So obese that her layers of fat covered up the baby kicking and whatnot. I am not kidding. Read about it here. I just had to share because really, how often do you read about something like this? Just crazy.

A Series of Unfortunate Events...

Ordinary day...Friday morning...usual classes...got up early in the morning...and I was walking to school - half asleep. Suddenly my eyes fell on a shiny piece of metal. 'Today sure has to be one lucky day...I found a 1 pound coin, and the weather is awesome too.'

Level 1 - Reached my first lecture...boring...fell asleep as usual...when I got up at the end of the lecture, the professor was staring at me. Who cares? Then I went to the next class...the teacher who never bothered to ask anyone a question in the past kept on picking on me (just me) the entire period. Even other classes seemed different. Societies and clubs that advertise on the main street of LSE also decided to stop my way with 'Join us for a trip to...', 'Awesome party tonight...full of hot girls...', etc, etc. Even the Christian missionaries decided to stop me twice, not once, asking me to join their Bible awareness or I-love-Jesus programs. It was then I realized something wasn't normal that day. Just like everybody else in this world, I started thinking that the free money I found that day was probably cursed.

Level 2 - In the middle of another of my lecture, I realized that I had an assignment due in about an hour. I thought if I hurried, I could finish it in time and hence, decided to go to LSE's famous Garrick cafe and do my work...reached there...grabbed a table...took my papers out and started writing. But the deluge of phone calls I kept on getting made me feel that there was actually some 'dark force' trying to prevent me from completing my work. Smart as I was, I decided to leave my phone on the table rather than keep it in my pocket and take it back out every ten seconds.

Level 3 - A Chinese couple decided to take a share of my table with an excuse that there wasn't any free table around. They sat down and started talking to each other at the top of their voices. To make it worse, they kept on switching places for some reason. I was simply going crazy. Then they decided to leave silently. I took a deep breath and thought I would finally be able to make full utilization of my remaining time. But my happiness was broken when a sheet of paper attached to a clipboard hindered my work. I turned around to see two European women asking me to donate some money for the 'Dumb & Deaf Organization'. I checked my wallet but realized that I had no money on me, except the coin I found that morning. I gave it to them and they left. They didn't even say a word during that whole process. Then later, when it was class time, I cleared up the table and as usual, double checked if I had left anything and walked out. After 10-15 steps, I realized that there was something missing...my phone!

Level 4 - Obviously, my phone got stolen...those Chinese did a really smart job - grabbed my phone while I was looking out of the window and then they left without a sound. The worse part was I wouldn't be able to identify them if I saw them again...as I had never bothered to look at them in such detail. I rushed to one of the phone booths - called my phone...the phone was switched off. Then I called Maity using my last coin I had with the hope to make several more calls using his phone after meeting him. I thought if nothing else, I would be able to call my network with that. Thanks to the classes we had, I met him after two hours. And he didn't have the network's number. So, I decided to go back home after dinner and call the network then. The shitty dinner and the rain while coming back couldn't add much to my misery. After some problems with the stupid automated phone call, I was finally able to bar calls to/from my phone.

The Ultimate - For two weeks, I was thinking how stupid I was and how skilled those Chinese were that day. But things changed when my monthly bill arrived. I was supposed to pay 35 pounds monthly...the bill showed 125. I realized that the phone had been used for all of the three hours it had after it was stolen. Those bastards were using it to make international calls for the entire period. With some research, I came to realize something that surprised me even further. It wasn't the Chinese but the freaking 'Dumb & Deaf Organization' women who did it. The calls were made to Romania. The whole attempt to use the clipboard as a shield, blocking my view, not saying a word and leaving the place as soon as they were done all made sense then. The worst part - my super-smart mind had made me cancel my insurance policy just a month before it was stolen. Thought it wouldn't be a smart idea to spend 10 pounds a month just on the insurance.

They weren't satisfied with the 200 pounds phone...they had to take full advantage of it. And, now I have to take the full burden of it.

They have taken the 'cursed' coin...and since they have it now...I might as well curse it further.
But what if they don't any more? Should I still curse it?

You're gonna die, clown!

Spoof of David Blaine.



This clip reminded me of Arrested Development. Such a great show.
Michael: So this is a magic trick, huh?
Gob: Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money.

Regular Karma

Yesterday sucked.

I first found out that my planned trip to Spain, Portugal and Morocco were down the drain, because the earliest visa appointment date I could get was the 16th of April, when my trip was actually supposed to end. Not to mention I'm going to lose all my flight bookings... now there's a hundred quid well spent. And it was Holy Week too... For the first time I realised how much it sucked to have an Indian passport.

Later in the evening my friend called and since she too was depressed for her own reasons, we decided to watch a movie to cheer up... and I got ice-cream too!

"The Last King of Scotland" is undoubtedly one of the best "historical" movie I've seen since "Motorcycle Diaries". Forest Whitaker was brilliantly gruesome as Idi Amin. True, one might draw parallels to "Hotel Rwanda", but it's still a bloody good movie. Watch it. The movie was great but it was as much fun as playing with asbestos and did nothing to improve my mood.

Being a student of economics I'm waiting for the trade-off for my run of shit luck.

Is Anybody Home?!?!?!

The Departed won the Oscar for Best Picture. Seriously, WHAT THE F?!?!?! No words can express my anger right now. Just ridiculous.

Black Holes and Revelations

So I finally caught up with my friends from my previous post. They never got a chance to go back and it's too late now, obvs, but that's ok because karma is a bitch. Or, as Justin Timberlake would say, (No, not "I'm bringing sexy back." In fact, I wasn't even aware that it ever left!) "what goes around comes around."

Speaking of music...
If your life had a soundtrack, which songs would be on it? (Stole this from a friend's blog. What can I say, I'm a procrastinator.)

This would be mine~

Opening credits: Sleeping Lessons - The Shins
Waking up: Sleeping Lessons cont'd
Falling in love: Rebel Rebel - Seu Jorge / Samba de Bencao - Bebel Gilberto
Driving/roadtrip: All The Dark Horses - Trashcan Sinatras
Life's okay: Chicago - Sufjan Stevens
Regretting: These Days - Nico
Death scene: Unicornio - Cecilia Noel
Closing credits: Comforting Sounds - Mew / Shirt - Menomena

Who Da Man?

Hillary or Obama? With all the mudslinging, methinks, neither. Besides, I don't think the US is ready for a woman or a black president. So who do we have left? Giuliani? McCain?

Speaking of men, here's saying Happy Birthday, to President Robert Mugabe. May his inflation be with him. He is the man! What do you do when you want to spend $65,ooo on a birthday party when there's 1600% inflation and the country is on the verge of civil war? Simple, you make inflation illegal and you go on state-controlled TV and ask to be relected for another 6 year term to add to the glorious past 27 years. It works.

Who's excited about Britney's hair?

Meteors Becoming Crash Into Earth

So we become dinosaurs in 2036, eh? It's far away... we have better things to worry about right now... like Keynes said, "Who cares about the long run? In the long run, we're all dead."

The more news I read these days, the more I realise how little I actually know about what's going on in the Asian subcontinent, forget the world. These days I read the news with mixed feelings, I mean, it's depressing when a firebomb on a train is required to bring two governments at war to a working solution. And Mynamar extremists infiltrating the border at Kashmir... that's quite a long hike isn't it, just to get caught by border security forces?

Then when I'm about to lose all hope, you find that there is still good on earth... in Gupta's words "genuine" people - like the Prince of Bhutan.
I'm neither a Nepali citizen, nor do I believe that Nepal is a part of India, lest some people take it the wrong way. I am not an enemy of democracy. I am not an extremist. But to see the "suspended" king of Nepal defend his coup was perhaps the most shining example of "sticking to my beliefs" I have seen in recent time - a time when resolve is easily dissolved in a cup of warm milk. I don't care if the students and the "seven party democracy" believe the king was out of line... after all, people, in general, are stupid; and each day my excuse for the irrationalities in the world is strengthened.

Fighting in a sack

As you may know, Hamilton is in the middle of bumblefuck New York. And in places such as this, as a minority, you have to prepare yourself for certain things, from the stares to the much much worse. I'm not sure what could have prepared me for what happened to me and three of my friends last night, however.

Last night, me, C, K, and T (Chinese, Chinese, White, South African - this is important) were out and about, having a fun night that included dinner, engaging in "girl talk," and etc, etc. Before going back to campus, C had to get some alcohol so we went to Hannaford, this local supermarket. Now, we get the alcohol (and some other random stuff like ice cream) and head to a checkout line. By then it was around 8-9pm and there were maybe 2-3 other customers in the entire store. We place the stuff on the conveyor belt and, not surprisingly, she asks all us of for our IDs. We hand them over, no problem. The cashier waves this other lady over, who takes the IDs and then whips out a book full of pictures of various state IDs (never knew there was such a thing).

She goes through C's first, then gets to mine. She examines my ID so hard, I thought she would burn a hole in it with her damn eyes. She flips it over and over and then finally asks me how old I am. I respond, "22." Then, with some bitchy tone, she says, "Is this real?" I'm like, yeah, it's an old Jersey license. She proceeds to check my ID against the book's NJ license. From where I'm standing, I could CLEARLY see that my ID looked exactly like the picture. Granted, my license didn't have the fancy holograms and barcode like C's, but if it looks EXACTLY like the picture, what's the damn problem? After flipping it over a few more times, she finally proceeds to T's. She had a NY state license so that passed on rather smoothly. The lady hands those three back to the cashier. At this point, we're just like, FINALLY. It must have been over 5 minutes.

Now, as the lady is checking K's license, the cashier looks at C's license, then mine and then she has the AUDACITY to say something along the lines of, "Who's who? You two look the same." Then she backtracks and says, "Oh, wait, I can tell by your faces." And then she also proceeds to hand C my and T's licenses as she says to C, "Give these to the nice girl behind you." I'm close enough to reach for them (and do) but why would she say that? Was she implying C was being a bitch? If anything, I was the only bitchy one at this point because I will admit that I responded to the other lady in quite the bitchy tone.

Meanwhile, the other lady is STILL checking K's license. Then suddenly, she says, "I'm sorry, but we cannot accept this. It says under 21 on it." By this point, we're pretty damn annoyed. K walks over and says she is 21 and although it says "under 21," the birth date clearly shows that she's of age. The lady counters and says, "But it says under 21." (Seriously, does this bitch know simple math?) This goes back and forth until the lady finally makes this bullshit answer up and says that the store policy says that if the license says under 21, they can't sell it. K, surprisingly calmly, asks for the manager. The lady says she doesn't know who the manager is and that it's only the night manager. The cashier picks up the phone and calls for the manager. After a few minutes, he comes over in some ratty ass shirt, Hannaford cap, and a tiny ass nametag on said shirt was the only indicator of his position. He comes over and immediately, the lady says, "Hi, Bobby." (Don't know the manager my ass, bitch!) So K, the lady, and the manager are conferring over this damn situation. Slowly, the talking gets louder and K continues to defend her position, even going so far as to request to see this so-called store policy in writing. The manager has no fucking clue and continues to say that whatever the lady said is final and right. As K continues, both bitches are smirking at us. Not only that, but the cashier had the nerve to say in a bitchy tone, "Why don't you go to Price Chopper (another grocery store)." We continue to hassle but after being at this fucking checkout line for at least 30 minutes, we're just like fuck it, there is no point in arguing with the ignorant and dumb. In the end, we just left all the shit on the conveyor belt and left.

NEVER have I been subjected to such bullshit. I have dealt with miniscule moments of racism in my life but last night took the fucking cake. Seriously?? If you're gonna be racist, at least have the balls to deny selling us shit because three of us are minorities instead of pulling out some lame ass rule to hide behind against the white girl with a legit license!

K and T planned to go back there today at a different time to talk to a REAL manager. I haven't talked to them yet today but we'll see.

What Kind of an Indian Name is Jasmine?

Have to listen to this... why do people do this to themselves?

Huppy Budday Maggie

Here's wishing Fong-Wai Chan a wonderful birthday... May you spy hard.

For The Mother's Pride

It seems like I am the only remnant active member of this blog, but no matter, I shall continue to spew my genius on this site, albeit seldom. This sudden surge was sparked off by certain events: the new Hritik Roshan ad "Cock uthale, dhoom machale", sequel to the disastrous "Find me with cock", in the early 00s; the death of one of the legends of the animation industry, Joseph Barbera; the entire Mamta Banderjee-Singur-Tata episode etcetra etcetra. Not to mention India's first man and lady, the cute couple of Laloo and Rabri are off the hook after swindling the government of $2.8m. And what's the buzz about these days? Abhishek Bacchan angry about Hritik kissing Ash in Dhoom 2, now ain't that fitting. It seems like India has finally realized that sex sells. By the way, the new Motorolla flip phone ad has to be one of the best ads I've seen in recent times.

Well on a brighter note at least the Jessica Lall murder case is over with... yeah take that Ram Jethmalani! The Indian cricket team cruise to a 123 run win over the Proteus claiming our first win in South Africa... I didn't really care, watching Sreesanth dancing after hitting Nel for a six was worth my time. And the dada is back, silencing his critics with a gritty half century. Of course as one bong rises, another must fall, so we bid adieu to Jagmohan Dalmia. Of course, things haven't been so peachy for the Indian Hockey Team failing miserably at the Asian Games in Doha this year, looks like Gagan Ajeet Singh's two cell phone strategy wasn't so bright after all. By the way, anyone seen the video of "One Love" from the movie "Rakht" with Little B and Bips, good god, I don't know what to make of it - "...for the mother's pride"?. Brilliant like Guinness!

Oh, for the non-believers (read: Jae and Pragyan), the Kolkata Tornadoes were kicking ass in the IFA Shield till they were beaten by some second rate Chinese Club called Shenzen in a freak match... well sometimes the best can falter. The Deep Purple performance in Bangalore was great, but these guys look so old, none of that old spark that rock bands of the 70s had. I was afraid someone was going to have a heart attack on stage. These guys looked so fragile.

And the Buddhist chanting fad, wonder how long that will last? Yoga shoga, even pilates was fine, but Buddhist chanting, really? We only pick that up once the west has huh, just like everything else. Seriously, it's high-time we got over our inferiority complex and our post-colonial hangover.

This evening I went shopping in my local market. Apparently the police is going to demolish the entire joint and is moving everyone to a newly made concrete fish market. While I understand that this is probably a good thing in terms of hygiene and all those things we care about, I'm really going to miss tip-toeing my way through the various vendors, dodging the odd cart and coolie carrying a jhori of chicken. Who knows, in a few years this is probably going to be replaced by a Wal-Mart and Tesco - they've already started making cracks in the Indian grocery market scene. Woe the day when even in Kolkata, full blooded bongs will have to buy packaged fish. Heresy I say.

And then there was the trip to Amsterdam. The Last Samurai and other friends with Nepal and bright Northern Lights. For those who want to know, Absinth tastes like Pastis, not cool at all. Before I leave, I have to recount a rather interesting story. Another little adventure that took place on the eve of my departure from London.

A couple of nights before I left for Kolkata, I went to watch "The Woman in Black" with Elena. The play was excellent, although there were a bunch of school girls in the theater screaming at random moments... bimbos. Anyway, after the play I went to Elena's place and chilled over some wine and cheese. By the time I left it was rather late and the tube was no longer running. I asked Elena for directions and tried to navigate my way back to my part of town but got hopelessly lost. I asked a rickshaw-walla for directions but he just pointed me in the wrong direction... diplodocus. For a while I was worried, then I said, oh fuck it and just walked around...

So I was wandering about the streets of north London (Grover St. et al) when I met this really drunk girl at a bus station who claimed she knew the way to Kingsway and since she was in a good mood, she would show me the way. At first I insisted she just show me the way but she would not be swayed, so we went walking, singing (nah we didn't sing) and enjoying the night air although I was aware I'm supposed to talk to strangers. I wasn't even sure we were walking in the right direction. I don't think she knew which direction we were walking in at all.

Suddenly she says that she needs to pee. At my wits end I say ok there's a phone booth, use that I'll keep watch. She does that but then as she walks out of the booth she passes out. Now I don't know her name or where she lives. I only gather she's from UCL from her chic hat. so I try to slap her awake. Hey, wakey, wakey. A brown guy slapping a white woman in the middle of the night in a deserted street...something's gotta give.

Along comes a cop car. I shuddered. It was "thank you god" moment along with "I hope they don't shoot me" kind. Lucky for me they understood what was going on. Apparently there are a lot of drunk students scattered about London on a given Thursday night. They checked her creds and mine and gave us both a ride to our respective dorms. An interesting turn of events. A normal 40 minute walk turned into a 3 hour odyssey. I ended up reaching home at 4:30 or thereabouts.

Hope this keeps you all occupied for a while.

My Old School Prayer

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up by narrow walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way in the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.


Rabindranath Tagore.
(For some reason this has been making rounds on the internet with the wrong words...)

The World’s Worst Job

Playing an unnamed goon in a John Woo Hong Kong action flick has to be the worst job in the world. You have to wear a suit to work, the pay is terrible, no health benefits, and no pension plan - otherwise, I Bankers would be running to John Woo for a job, those blood suckers will do anything for a quick buck (and a chance to wear a suit). And things are not made any easier when Chow Yun-Fat never has to reload his gun and can use a 12 guage shotgun with surgical precision. I guess the only upside is that laundry costs are not too high since goons die off one shot to any part of the body.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if Rajnikanth, Chuck Norris, and Chow Yun-Fat faced off – end of the world? Do goons have nightmares about these people? Do they check for Van Damme under the bed when they go to bed at night? Questions such as these have kept me up since I watched The Killer, Hard Boiled, God of Gamblers, and the A Better Tomorrow trilogies.

Moreover, how does one become a goon? Do you just walk into a Triad office and hand in your resume? Do you need job experience or a degree from MSG [1]? After all for most of these goons, it looks like this is the first time they have held a gun/driven a motorbike/car/helicopter/tricycle/auto etc. Seriously, I cannot think of anything worse than being a goon in a John Woo movie, except for maybe lawyers (no offence Nisha).

[1] MSG: Ming School of Goons, Hong Kong – the main bad guys usually graduates of this place.

Sweet?

It is funny how people in London are used to spending two thirds of their day in super-congested compartments that they called ‘The Tube’. Cases of people falling ill during their ride on the train are not rare in existence. Some common explanations are the lack of ventilation and/or the person being sick before entering the train. Data and almost every single passenger would choose the former. After a long day of learning about countries from all around the globe at the World Travel Market organized in ExCel London (eastern end of London), I was heading back taking the usual, the Tube. Tiredness was what I could see in other passengers’ faces. All of them looked dead. The only means of entertainment were the sight of people making futile attempts to stay awake and the banging of the heads on the side glass by the seats. My journey was supposed to last for approximately 2 hours. Peak hour exacerbated this journey of mine by allowing a dozen 6.5 feet tall guys in the already full compartment in which I was struggling for some fresh oxygen. I was pushed to the side and could barely move. Few more people got on at the next station, among which there were two girls (17/18 yrs, normal looking, probably college girls). One of them was pushed to the pole I was hanging on to. After about a couple of minutes, I realized that her body was pressing against my hand. I felt awkward but couldn’t do much due to congestion. She was also holding on to the same pole. Soon after that, I felt someone trying to play with my fingers. It was her. I felt very uneasy and quickly withdrew my hand into my pocket. I was confused about how I should react. She then looked at me, smiled and then ended it with a polite ‘sorry’. No reaction from me again. The only thing that came into my mind was ‘Wow! That was unexpected’. Then things went back to the way it was supposed to be in a train chamber. I got lost thinking about nothing, looking outside the window. Slowly, the share of oxygen per passenger in each chamber started going up, after halts at several stations. More and more people started getting off the train. I was still standing by the door. Then it reached the station before the one I was supposed to get off at. The doors opened. Suddenly, I felt something warm on my chest. I quickly came back to senses to realize that it was somebody’s hand. It was the same girl. She looked at me, gave the same smile, said, ‘You are too sweet!’ and walked out. No reaction from me this time as well. To make the matter a little bit more interesting, I had my cousin sister sitting not very far away from me on the train witness the whole scene and later interrogate me about my intentions and thoughts. Again, no reaction from me.

I guess interesting things can happen in some of the most boring places as well.

If you were me, tell me how you would have reacted.

My Motto

White Socks

I hate it when trains are late. It is universal. All over the world, trains are always late. I do not like trains, but I like train stations. There is something surreal about train stations – a microcosm of modern society if you will. I enjoy sitting on a platform bench observing the world go past, entranced by the multitude of cacophonous sounds that echo around the high ceilings. Yes, I like train stations; trains are a different matter altogether.

The train I was on was scheduled to leave Napoli half an hour ago but it was still gleefully idling at the station like a fat boy in a Mark Twain novel. I was not pleased. I was stuck in a small compartment with Hann for company and the air conditioner was not running. I tried to make small talk with Hann but he seemed engrossed in the colorful complimentary magazines in the seat pocket. I don’t know what he was reading – it was in Italian, and neither of us spoke the language. I looked outside the graffiti stained window to wile my time and a glum silence filled the compartment…

Leaning my head against the wall, I was about to fall asleep when the sliding compartment door was violently pushed apart and a dirty little man with a large mustache and a navy blue knapsack walked in. He looked at us with leery eyes and snorted, and with a magical sleight of hand produced two packets and tossed one to each one of us. I caught the packet on my lap. It was a set of white socks. Bewildered, I looked up and caught Hann’s equally confused eyes looking at me. People usually don’t hand out sets of white socks.

“Socks.” The man said as if he had answered the question to life, universe, and everything else. We looked up at him.

He scratched his rough chin and sighed. “Ummm… twenty Euros.”

I look at Hann and he's busy inspecting the goods. I look down at my packet, not sure what to do, so I look at the stubby Italian expecting some sort of an explanation...

"For you only twenty Euros..."

I look at Hann. His ears were turning red. Suddenly Hann throws the packet of socks at the Italian and with a Fonz expression says, "Aieaaa, these are made in China man, my family probably made them, and you're trying to sell it to me?..."

The stubby Italian snatched the packet out of my hand and walked out with a solemn face. Once again the compartment lapsed into silence. I resumed my vigil on the platform, waiting to get to Rome.

Half Step Down

I just finished watching The Departed and I'm very disappointed. Leonardo DiCaprio was actually pretty good here but otherwise, the movie was lacking without even comparing it to Infernal Affairs, the original Hong Kong movie which is the basis for The Departed. There were plot holes left and right and Jack Nicholson and Matt Damon's characters were too one-dimensional. Not to mention some of the unncessary gore and sex. Do all American movies have to include such crap all the damn time? It didn't add anything to the freakin plot.

And don't even get me started on the ending. Ridiculous. I will not ruin the movie for those who haven't seen it and want to. Instead, I will rant more (with spoilers) in my own blog at some point. I haven't written there in forever.

Overall, I'm just sad that a lot of people will have no idea that The Departed is a remake. And even if they do, they will write off Infernal Affairs because it doesn't have a "happy" ending like The Departed and almost every other American movie even though it is such a better movie.

Procrastinate... just do it!

procrastinate...just do it!!!

Pictures of Scaffolding

I feel a faithless lover returning to my faithless love. It has been a long time since I've written anything on this blog. This sphere is slowly turning into a shallow grave. It appears that the spunk driving the intense blogging in its early stages have now given way to sporadic notes like these. Honestly though, can you really blame me?

Initially I was quite gung-ho about recording my Odyssey through Europe in these pages, but now I'm not so sure. But I'll start anyway and see how far it goes...

My journey seemed to be star-crossed from the beginning, what with Pragyan breaking his leg a few weeks before our plans finalised and my failure to obtain a British visa early enough to drop my bags off in London. Plus there was the theft of my wallet in NYC (I have a feeling the pickpocket responsible was a graduate of LSP...). Not to mention that I was now going to be travelling on my own... I was a little apprehensive.

However, one morning I called Hann, a recent Hamilton grad and asked, "Hey, I'm going to Europe, want to tag along?" Fortunately, and rather surprisingly Hann said, "yeah, sure why not." The rest they say is history, but I shall spell it out for you anyway...

This series is going to be broken into 21 parts, one for each city, I think.

Welcome to the Jungle!

So, it’s been 10 days in London and I can already see what my next 10 months are going to be like. As soon as I entered London (this is my first time, not counting the 24 hours I spent during the Red Alert season), the first impression I had of the place was ‘Man, this place is a killer…it is just too expensive’. Looking at the price tags, Maity and I cherish those days when we said ‘Man, New York is a killer…it is just too expensive’. Of course, we come from a place where we can have one of the best and filling meals for less than a dollar. The world runs on money. Maity and I have so much time now that we get into grave discussions wherever we sit. Our last lunch at an LSE restaurant had money as the big topic. The conclusion was obvious – money is great. Sometimes, I think about and laugh at how I used to react when I had to use the subway in NYC. ‘2 dollars???’ Hah, we now pay 3 full pounds for a ride.

The dorm we live in and Dunham at Hamilton must have had the same architect…coz they resemble each other perfectly – those long hallways with identical doors on both sides that make you go cuckoo every time you come in. Even the residents seem to behave in the same way. I hardly see anybody on the hallway whenever I go out of my room. The only difference between the two buildings is that this one is much bigger. It can accommodate up to 650 students.

This dorm is situated in the heart of the financial district of London. The very first time I walked out of the building I realized that it is not a good news for us at all. Every little thing is twice as expensive as what it costs in other parts of London. On top of that, there isn’t a single proper restaurant or even a convenience store nearby. Our last trip to a grocery store took 40 min of walking. Worse for me because I have been in bed for three full months and my foot is still not ready. I am not even in a state to walk for 15 straight minutes. The 25 min walk to LSE everyday is already a torture for me.

Nevertheless, London is a beautiful city and very diverse (less Latinos and more Indians and East Asians). Met Jin and Cindy yesterday and they seem to enjoy the calm sub-urban life of London with occasional visits to Central London. Neither Maity nor I know where the hell Priya is. We have seen her twice until now, and that’s it. Whenever I message her when she comes online, she says ‘be right back in 10 or 15’ and she disappears totally after that. All of them seem to be in a chilled-out mood in their own ways. I guess, so are we. I hope it will be the same until we leave this place.

Is It Any Wonder

So it seems we are facing a dip in posts for now. Maity is too busy enjoying his trip in Europe while Pragyan is too busy procrastinating or playing video games. I shouldn't talk, though, because I've been busy working/procrastinating as well. More importantly, I have no idea what to write. I'm in a funk, a dry spell and I can't get out of it. I cannot seem to write well for my classes either, which is never good. I'm like a superhero without any powers. My powers of writing and bullshitting are gone...whatever shall I do?

Any suggestions of what I should/could write about will be appreciated.

For now, I'll just leave you with a few random thoughts:

1. Snakes on a Plane didn't exactly match up to the hype. Figures. Too much expectation only results in disappointment.

2. The freshmen here are worse every year. Get off your damn high horses. You're freshmen, the bottom of the damn food chain. Deal with it. And if you hate it here, ok, that's fine, join the club. I was there. Hell, a shitload of us were. It may or may not get better but in the meantime, suck it up and shut the fuck up.

3. Facebook is going down the drain right now. If it really does open to all, I will consider closing my account. Seriously.

4. Grey's Anatomy premiere this coming Thursday. Who's excited?? I sure am. (I'm a loser, I know.)

Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker.

Amazing. Just watch.

Hamilton Summer: The Ballad of Pragyan Pradhan

This is to welcome Pragyan Pradhan (formerly known as The God of Small Things) of Jae and Silent Pradhan fame to enter the world of blogging; adding yet another eclectic voice to "Listening to the Weather". Pragyan is presently pursuing an undergraduate degree in Economics and Mathematics at Hamilton College. When not studying, wasting time, or fighting for civil rights issues in Nepal, Pragyan enjoys fighting crime under the guise of Proverbman. We look forward to a glimpse of his never ending river of wisdom...

On another note, I am dead tired. Thinking is taxing. I should stop.

I did not do any work the whole summer. Maybe read a couple of books: Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World", Kawabata's "Master of Go" and Bill Bryson's "A Brief History of Everything" among others. Watched a lot of movies, some useless, some brilliant, like Kubrick's "The Shining" on HD... finally eh? Played a lot of games, learnt how to mix a mojito and the fact that Miami cops can afford Ferraris... one could say that all summer was one lazy sunday.

This weekend I did more work than the whole summer. Pragyan and I have our research presentation due at 6 pm this evening. We started working on our research paper 2pm on Saturday afternoon. Needless to say the next 48 hours were spent bent over three laptops, thousands of loose sheets of research papers and raw data and a bottle of Johnny Walker Gold Label.

I'm still trying to recover from the onslaught. Twenty eight pages of, quite frankly, bullshit. Albeit it's not spectacular, I'm proud of it. I just hope my boss feels the same way.

(Edit: The dinner-presentation went off great! I think...)

"I'll procrastinate tomorrow..." ~ Pragyan Pradhan

Wonderful Electric

Goldfrapp. Without a doubt, my favorite band. Period. If you don't know who they are, I'm not surprised. I only have one friend who knows about them but that's only because I told her. I cannot tell you how many times I've been met with a stare or a puzzled face after answering "Goldfrapp" when asked, "What's your favorite band?" But this year, at least three commercials from major companies have employed Goldfrapp songs (Coke, Pantene, and Verizon) and they have played on both Letterman and Leno. All I can say is...It's about damn time!! Don't you just love it when commercials play great songs you already know? (And great songs you don't too.) Well, I do. In fact, the only reason I am writing this is because I heard "Strict Machine" in that Verizon commercial for their new Chocolate phone.

Goldfrapp has 3 albums. The first, "Felt Mountain," is very much electronic and what they call "trip-hop." The second, "Black Cherry," retains the electronic sound of its predecessor but has a bit of a pop sound accompanied by dance beats. Their latest album, "Supernature," is a conglomeration of pop, dance, and disco with a touch of electronic sound. It's pretty interesting to hear the progression of their sound over the three albums and unfortunately, I cannot upload songs to let you hear this for yourself.

But, here's a Goldfrapp song to whet your appetite. From the more mainstream album, Supernature, "No.1".

"Only God Knows Everything, And He Works For Mossad"

Continuing with my absolute lack of motivation to do some serious work, I've been watching a lot of movies lately.

I really didn't want to post anything, I just found the title funny, and after watching "Raid on Entebbe" quite true. (Albeit, the Entebbe rescue operation was conducted by Aman and the Sayeret Matkal, you know what I mean.)

In preparation for the release of Clerks II, I sat and watched the entire Kevin Smith collection in chronological order: "Clerks", "Mallrats", "Chasing Amy", "Dogma" and "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back". All of these are nerd movies. Not the "Revenge of the Nerds" kind of nerd movie, but more like "Real Genius" type. The movies are littered with "Star Wars", "Jaws", John Hughes' movies and comic book references, not to mention references to the other movies in the Smith collection.

I can't stand these yuppy joints. Some bozo went through the bathroom correcting all the grammar in the graffiti with a red pen.

The title of this post is a passing quote from the movie "The Constant Gardener". Nothing more to say at the moment.

How do you like them apples?

I don't know about you but I hate those new Mac vs. PC commercials. I've never been a fan of Macs although they are more aesthetically pleasing. From my experiences, I can easily say that they do NOT run faster. Often, they run hella slower. And contrary to frequent spouted "fact," Macs DO freeze. Ever encounter the spinning color wheel of death?!?! Exactly. Force quit doesn't always cut it. And sure, Windows gets a crapload of viruses but hey, if Macs blow up to the point where the majority of computer users have them, I'm sure there will be ample viruses to go around.

I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!!

Would you characterize Superman as the strongest superhero ever? I mean, if there was no Kryptonite, how could anyone beat him? (Let's not even start on the irony that is the fact that Superman comes from Krypton but is deathly allergic to Kryptonite).

I remember when I was younger, the age old question was, who was stronger, Batman or Superman? And as much as I love Batman, there is no doubt in my mind that Superman would win hands down (if Batman didn't have Kryptonite, that is). Batman is basically a very fit rich guy who can afford kick ass gadgets. Superman is supernatural strength. Though Bruce Wayne is so much cooler than Clark Kent...maybe it's the tortured, tough-guy with a good heart persona that gets me.

A good fight may be Superman vs. Wolverine. Without Kryptonite, of course. We all know that with Kryptonite, the man of steel is toast.


Anyone watch Superman Returns? If so, how was it? Will be watching it soon but am curious.

Oh and is there a superhero who isn't tortured? Every hero that I know/can think of does or has some flaw. Hmmm...

"If You Don't Give My Football Back..."

In a mixed setting of World Cup fever and boredom at work, here's the complete Adidas Jose+10 video. One of the best ads out there, as good as, if not better than Eric Cantona's Joga Bonita Nike commercials. The music for part 1 is "D'allouette" by RJD2 and for part 2 is "Eanie Meany" by Jim Noir.




I may have missed a couple (or made a mistake) but here's a list of players, country and club (as of 2006, of course) on the ad:

Jose's Team:
Michael Ballack, Germany, FC Bayern Munich
Franz Beckenbauer, Germany
David Beckham, England, Real Madrid CF
Du-Ri Cha, Korea Republic, Eintracht Frankfurt
Damian Duff, Ireland, Chelsea FC
Steven Gerrard, England, Liverpool FC
Kaká, Brazil, AC Milan
Oliver Kahn, Germany, FC Bayern Munich
Juan Román Riquelme, Argentina, Villarreal CF
Bastian Schweinsteiger, Germany, FC Bayern Munich
Patrick Vieira France, Juventus Turin

Pedro's Team:
Djibril Cissé, France, Liverpool FC
Jermain Defoe, England, Tottenham Hotspur
Kevin Kuranyi, Germany, FC Schalke
Frank Lampard, England, Chelsea FC
Michel Platini, France
Shunsuke Nakamura ,Japan, Celtic Glasgow
Alessandro Nesta, Italy, AC Milan
Lukas Podolski, Germany, FC Köln
Raúl, Spain, Real Madrid CF
Arjen Robben, The Netherlands, Chelsea FC
David Trézéguet, France, Juventus
Zinédine Zidane, France, Real Madrid CF

Not my dream team (1 Brazilian?), but I wouldn't complain...

At The Stars

So there's this new show on NBC called Windfall, which is about 20 friends who win the lottery and each receive about 20 million each (if I remember correctly). It's a drama and it centers around how the money changes their lives, for better or worse. Although it's not the best show I've seen (hardly), it's a fairly interesting and original concept. It's never been the premise of a show, that I've heard of or seen at least. Anyways, this just reminds me of the notion, urban legend, or what have you, that winning the lottery is bad luck because of the consequences. There is an overabundance of stories where lottery winners end up in some bout of misfortune, either it be injury, death, or something in between. Hurley on LOST, anyone? (Come on, someone else here has to be a LOST fan besides me, right?? Right??)

So the question I'm sure you've all been expecting since the beginning of this post: What would you do with 20 million dollars?

Me? Well first, I would buy my parents a bigass house anywhere they wanted. After I bought myself one too, I would pay off my college debt, buy myself a nice car (Ferrari F430 Spider, Mercedes 2007 SL55 AMG, Mercedes 2007 SL550 Roadster, or Porche Carrera GT), do some traveling, maybe buy myself an island (haha...maybe), give a bit to charity, and then invest the rest of it. Life would be grand. Yes indeed.

Have An Adequate Day

This semester I was hit with the Marx Brothers fever, but this is not about that. This weekend amidst World Cup fever, Ntokozo's birthday and a good-bye party for Claire, I went to New York City to bid adieu to Shraddha.

I had a chance to visit the 24/7 underground Apple store on 58th Street. Fondly known as "The Cube", this is a Mac-paradise, a real fun place.

On the walk back to Shraddha's appartment, we saw 2 Ferrari F430s, a Mercedes SL500, a Bentley Continental, an Aston Martin Vanquish, and a Porsche 911GT in that order in a span of five minutes. A Lambourghini would have wrapped up the day nicely.

I've been trying to catch up on my reading for the past couple of weeks. So far I've re-read The Chronicles of Narnia, a lot of Feynman, Brave New World and am presently cruising along an annotated version of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I also have American Bartending on the side (thanks Shraddha!).

As for the World Cup, so far there hasn't been anything of note, except for the last three Australian goals against Japan in the last eight minutes...

Please Don't Talk

So I'm in Boston for my internship. Have been here only four days but I can easily say it beats the hell out of NYC. I never really got why people loved NYC. It's dirty, crowded, and a lot of people I've encountered there are RUDE. I mean, it has a lot of hustle and bustle but you can find that in pretty much any other city. Who knows.

My internship is pretty cool in that I don't do bitch work nor am I just relegated to getting some higher-up his/her coffee. I actually DO work. When I tell some of my friends about it, they just laugh because it's a bit unbelievable that I ACTUALLY have a job. Not that I never wanted one before and felt like mooching off the parents, but I've never had a REAL job in my life. During high school, I never really had the need to work and my parents didn't want a job to interfere with schoolwork. Meanwhile, a lot of my friends had jobs pretty much all year round. In college, I finally got a job last year but it wasn't REALLY a job. I pretty much got paid to do my homework or nothing at all (gotta love workstudy) so it doesn't really count. At my internship, all I do is write and edit, which is not bad at all. I'm thinking this is the kinda stuff I want to do for the rest of my life. Most likely anyways.

In my spare time here, I've been cooking for myself (another shocker because I hate cooking - I've never really excelled at it), watching TV, watching movies, and doing some work I bring home from the internship. I was thinking of getting a part-time job but we'll see. Will have to explore a bit first.

Here are the movies I've seen (just thought I'd share):
1) Sleepless in Seattle - have seen it a million times and it never gets old. It's one of my favorite movies of all time.
2) Tristan & Isolde - it was actually pretty good. Had some action and romance; interesting twist to the Romeo and Juliet-type story. Not too mushy or cheesy, like I was afraid it would've been. Though it doesn't hurt that I love James Franco..haha (ever since the TV show Freaks and Geeks...classic)
3) Just My Luck - stupidass Lindsay Lohan movie. Should've known. Why did I watch it? I have no idea.
4) Transamerica - Either Felicity Huffman was robbed of the Oscar or Reese Witherspoon was freakin unbelievably, outrageously better (haven't seen Walk the Line yet so I can't judge). It was a very touching movie but the subject matter might be a bit too...out-of-the-ordinary...for some, but if you are comfortable with it, it's definitely a worthy watch.

Hopefully, I can get to Glory Road and Imagine Me and You tonight. If you haven't already guessed, I'm a huge movie lover.

What else? Oh, so I've been hearing about this whole Ann Coulter controversy. What a bitch. Personal feelings aside, she's an ignorant, propagandizing, heartless idiot. Is it not logical to demand an explanation from the government for such a tragedy? I mean, the scale of it aside, any sort of oversight by the government should be taken seriously. No matter what party you're affiliated with, (Democrats, Republicans, Independents, and WHATEVER other party), you should always keep a check on the government. She's talking about the wives exploiting their husbands' deaths but she's the one who's exploiting the tragedy of 9/11 and these families for the sake of her damn book. How much do you wanna bet that if she didn't make these outrageous claims, her book wouldn't be #1 on amazon.com or wherever else?? And that's another thing. It just makes me sad and pissed off that people buy into this crap. Goddamnit.

You know what else is sad? That the constitutional ban on gay marriage just barely missed being passed. Sure, it didn't pass because it fell short of the 2/3 majority needed, but the votes were 49-48. That is just unnervingly close. Even though it didn't pass, I feel like the country has taken a million steps back in terms of civil rights. First, the limitation on who you can or cannot marry. What's next? Overturning Roe v. Wade? (Sadly, it's getting there.) No, better yet, let's just make things easier and overturn the 14th amendment so we can discriminate against anyone and everyone. Screw due process and equal protection.

Gotta catch 'em all

After Maity's post, I felt inclined to blog about my own experiences with anime. The first anime I obsessed over was Sailormoon. I think every girl who knows anime loves it or has at least seen it. Of course, as Maity pointed out, the manga is much more mature and much better than the anime but hey, if the anime gives it a bigger audience, what's the harm? In short, Sailormoon is about a bunch of girls (some in junior high school, some in senior high) who discover that they are reincarnations of past "sailor soldiers," each based on a different planet (Sailor Neptune, Sailor Saturn, etc), whose main duties involved protecting the Moon Princess, Sailor Moon. Sounds dumb but is much more complicated than you think. I guess it's a more compelling soap opera. I mean, just look at how beautiful the manga is:


Some other girly animes I've seen: Fushigi Yuugi (had a HUGE obsession with this one too), Ayashi no Ceres, Card Captor Sakura, and Magic Knight Rayearth. The former two from Yu Watase and the latter two from CLAMP (all female animation team).

I've seen "non-girly" anime as well but I just felt like listing a few anime titles geared towards females to contrast the ones mentioned earlier by Maity, which have a more masculine appeal if not general appeal to both males and females.

In any case, no matter what type of anime you watch, I would say it's better to watch subtitled anime rather than the dubbed. Dubs are often butchered for an American audience and most that I've seen compromise the original story somewhat. Not to mention some of the dubs have the most annoying English voice actors. Such a shame.

Aside: That reminds me of a friend of mine who absolutely refuses to watch movies with subtitles. Don't get me started.

Back to anime: Pokemon wasn't that bad when it first came out. I have to admit, I took part in that craze. I watched the show, have three versions of the Gameboy game, saw two of the movies, have a deck of the cards for the game, and have some random Pokemon paraphernalia I shall not specify. It was a cute, entertaining show at the time and it was good while it lasted (as in the time span that I watched the show, which was about 2 seasons?). Every now and then, I still go back and play the games just for kicks. Digimon was also cute the first two seasons. After that, I think my obsession with anime waned (this was around freshman year of hs). Since then, I still watch some notable anime movies now and then but that is about it nowadays.

Anyway, here are a few of my top anime picks:

Sailormoon (mentioned earlier)

Fushigi Yuugi
It's about two high school girlfriends (friends who are girls) who discover a magic book, The Universe of the Four Gods (based on Chinese lore), that transports them into the book. The story in the book takes place during feudal China and each girl becomes a Priestess of a different region (North, South, etc). Each preistess has seven "seishi" or celestial warriors with their own powers. Of course, there is conflict where a huge misunderstanding leads one of the friends (and her seishi) to battle the other (and her seishi). The anime is what I call a dramedy...it's a good mix of drama/comedy. Oh and don't forget the romance! I'm a sucker for that stuff.

Ghost in the Shell
Amazing movie. Haven't seen the series nor the movie sequel but from Maity's praise, it sounds like I'm definitely missing out.

Pretty much all Miyazaki's movies I've seen thus far: My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service, Princess Mononoke, and Spirited Away. The latter two movies have the most amazing musical soundtracks of any anime I've seen. Ever. Really. Amazing.

Two honorable mentions:

X/1999
A movie based on the half-finished CLAMP manga (at the time the movie came out). The plot revolved around the acpocalypse (based on the Book of Revelation). The main character, Kamui, has the power to influence the destiny of the world because he has the choice of becoming either a Dragon of Heaven, thereby protecting humanity from the end of the world, or becoming a Dragon of Earth, thereby destroying all of humanity in order for Earth to be reborn. Regardless of what he chose, his friend was destined to become the protector of the opposing side. The story of this movie wasn't as good as it could have been but the artistic fight scenes more than made up for it.

Vampire Princess Miyu
This anime is the only one in the horror genre that I've seen. It's not really scary but it incorporates elements of horror (ex: vampires, demons, death, etc). It's about Miyu, a vampire whose duty is to send "shinma," or demon gods, from Earth back to their dark world. Interesting concept and I love the gothic/almost verging on horror feel of it. Definitely a worthy watch although it may be a bit too slow-paced for some.

Dattebayo!

Recently an old friend from high school who was recently accepted to University of Southern California told me that he was getting interested in anime. To save him from bad anime, and generally to give a brief overview of the industry, here is my anime special:

Anime specifically refers to Japanese animation, a booming multi billion dollar industry in Japan that markets all over the world, with France and the United States as two of the largest external consumers. Animated movies like Shrek and Ice Age are not considered anime since they are created by Pixar and DreamWorks, which are US studios.

Anime falls into various categories like shounen, which literaly translates to "for boys", involving big explosions, mecha and action. Seinen is a more mature genre dealing with psychological and sophisticated plots aimed at the college market. There's shoujo, anime aimed at girls with plenty of cutely drawn characters. Kodomo targets little kids - Pokemon and other crap would fall into this category. And lastly there's hentai which is pretty much animated pornography. No offense meant, but the Japanese are crazy people. For a country with the lowest sex rate in the world, they sure produce a lot of perversive material, and it's not just with anime...

Anime is also not to be confused with Manga which is a black and white Japanese comic book. Manga is extremely popular in Japan and for some reason, France. In Japan it's not surprising to find forty-year old businessmen in suits reading manga on the subway. There's manga for everyone, from housewives to ninjas, they cover and extremely diverse range. In fact, most anime are actually based on pre-existing manga and more often than not, the quality of the manga is considerably better. Example: The famous Dragonball series was based of manga, however, unlike the manga where the plot is pacy and bold (blood and language), the anime converted each chapter into five episodes, slowing down the plot so much that it almost felt as if the characters were staring at each other for whole episodes.

So for those interested here is my top picks in the anime and manga industry:

Ghost in the Shell
First released in 1995, the movie based on Shirow Masamune's manga was a psychological thriller set in the near future where the line between man and machine has been blurred and ergonomics has taken on a completely new definition. The Wachowski Brothers admitted that the Matrix was heavily influenced by this movie and asked the creators, Production I.G. Studios, to make the Animatrix. The movie spawned an excellent television series in 2003, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. With superb music by the legendary Yoko Kanno, this is perhaps the best animated series in the market. The show ran an even better second season and is now planning a third season to be relesed in 2007. The movie too had a sequel in 2005, Ghost in the Shell: Innocence which shames the animation quality of every other anime, including Final Fantasy: Advent Children.

Cowboy Bebop
An American favourite, Cowboy Bebop follows the tale of two space age bounty hunters each with a shady past and their attempts to correct their wrongs. With plenty of humor and action based on Bruce Lee's Jeet Kun Do and John Woo style gun play and a riveting plot this is a really entertaining watch. Once again Yoko Kanno delivers excellent music. The movie Cowboy Bebop: Knocking on Heaven's Door is also worth a watch but not noteworthy.
Naruto
Heir to the Dragonball franchise, Naruto is now a 200 odd episode series based off the manga by the same name. Popular is an understatement, creater Masashi Kishimoto is now the third highest tax payer in Japan! Unlike DB, Naruto is racy, funny, smart and of all things holistic. It's a ninja version of Aesop's Tales. The music, ninja fight sequences and exceptionally good character development makes this show addictive. My friend here at Hamilton watched 98 episodes during exam week because he just had to find out how it was going to end, because unlike DB where the good guys always win, Naruto is unpredictable.

Bleach
Based on the manga by Kubo Tite, like Naruto, Bleach is another hevy weight in the marathon anime industry. Bleach deals with Shinigami, a class of spirits responsible for destroying evil spirits called Hollows and maintaining order in the spirit world. With brilliant plot twists this anime is always surprising you. Presently running at 80 odd episodes, this one promises to be a long runner.

Neon Genesis Evangalion
Although not my personal favorite, this show has far too many loyal fans to be ignored. I describe it as "giant robots and angsty teenagers" but that's just me. I asked my sophomore year roommate Alex Stamoulis, a hardcore Eva fan to write up a brief review:
"Evangelion was a transcendental anime in a variety of ways. It helped introduce and popularize the concept of an imperfect hero in the mecha genre previously dominated by macho protagonists as three-dimensional as cardboard cut-outs. Eva's characters are troubled, imperfected and often hide deep psychological issues. Adding giant bio-mechanical mecha and monstronsities titled 'Angels' to the mix only serve to make Evangelion's appeal even greater. Produced in 1995-6 by a director who was clinically depressed and off his meds, Evangelion and it's two films, "Death and Rebirth" and "End of Evangelion" has become an icon in the Anime community. Also Rei Ayanami is hot.
Fanboys agree."

Other notable mentions are Samurai Champloo, Full Metal Alchemist, Rouruni Kenshin, Trigun, Spiral and Hellsing. Among others, Ninja Scroll, Akira, Princess Mononoke are classic animated movies and Miyazaki's Spirited Away is the only anime to have won an Academy Award.

I feel like a geek...

Playing Footsie

I’m always up for a good old revolution but what’s happening back home is a sitcom like Curb Your Enthusiasm. Everyday I keep getting these emails, some from Tawakley, some from others with subjects like: Rang De Basanti in Delhi and I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if Che Guevara had the internet… Call me cynical, but isn’t everyone just playing footsie?

I read some of the comments on the articles about the strike. I quote one here. I do not understand what it means.

“Hi, SC Judges,
R U afraid of reserved category doctors? They are also working and ask patients to go to them. Perhaps they will treat the patients Oops i...hope. I Feel SC Judges R very much afraid of reseved category doctors as they would have passed out with 35% marks. Why do u need only the merit students for treating the patients. What a shame?” [sic.]

I thought the Supreme Court gave the striking doctors and students an ultimatum to end the strike, so what is this dude (fireworks was his call sign) complaining about?

But enough of that what else is happening? George Bush plans to kick out the illegal immigrants for singing the Star Spangled Banner in Spanish. Saddam defense claims that the prosecutions arguments are built on bribes and that the many accused are still alive. Pranab and Wen hit it off at the India-China Friendship Year celebrations. EU contemplates listing the LTTE as a terrorist organization.

Hollywood is making a remake of Munnabhai MBBS with Chris Tucker. Fine. Cannes awards Best Actress to the entire cast of Volver. Good. Then Monica Belluci is cast to play Sonia Gandhi in a movie! WTF?

Mac, Windows and Intel – The Devil’s marriage. Google buys Facebook for $2.1bn now Microsoft wants to buy eBay. Bacchan buys a pair of shades for $6000 in NYC. All this money in the air makes me feel rich, and then I find out oil prices have reached $70 a barrel…

On another note, I watched X-Men 3: The Last Stand this weekend and I’m not surprised that I came out of the theatre disappointed.

“If we’re such a blessed country, why did god put all our oil under the people who hate us the most?” Jon Stewart, The Daily Show.

Snakes On A Plane

I am ashamed to say that I am looking forward to Samuel L. Jackson's new movie called, you guessed it, "Snakes On A Plane." (Must be the American side of me.) The concept/plot is so stupid and so inane that it's SO AWESOME. Only Samuel L. Jackson could carry such a retardedly great movie. I don't really know why I decided to write this post. I just felt like expressing my odd attraction to "Snakes On A Plane."

I think this Samuel L. Jackson quote says it all:
"I want these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane."

Genius.

August 18.

Here's the trailer:

If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down

Whoever invented automatically flushing toilets should be punched in the face. They're costly, inconvenient, and can be such a pain in the ass. (Pun intended.) They're supposed to make things easier but I would say I've had bad experiences with them 4 out of 5 times. There are the times I try to lay those paper seat covers onto the toilet and before I can even begin to unbutton my pants, the damn thing flushes. Then there are the times when it flushes when I've just begun. And then when I'm in the midst. Or nearing the end. They flush at the most random times. Or what's worse, they don't flush at all and I end up having to push that little button above the damn sensor!! So really, what's the point?!?! Is it really so hard to flush the toilet manually? We have become a society so dependent on stupid, needless little "conveniences" that we don't even realize how much more inconvenienced we have actually become.

What happened to USEFUL conveniences? Asks the girl who lives in the only state in the entire U.S. where its residents do not have to pump their own gas. Damn right. How's that for the armpit of the U.S.?

Hello, I come in peace.

Thanks for the introduction, Maity! Though I'm not a spy nor a maverick hairdresser. I am related to Jackie Chan, though! No, seriously. And the mention of me being a senior was quite jarring. Despite the picture below that shows I turned two, I feel old. Haha...actually, I was turning 20 (pic was from last January).

Anyways, I'm proud to be part of this new project we've got going on here. Hopefully, I will be able to keep up with Maity's incredibly entertaining and thoughtful blogging level.

Until next time!

EDIT: I'm really not related to Jackie Chan. I actually don't really even like him/his movies. Jet Li and his movies are SO much better (English movies excluded).

Spring Cleaning

Today marks the death of “Dial M for Mighty” and the birth of “Listening to the Weather”, a new collaborative effort with fellow Hamiltonian Fong-Wai “Maggie” Chan. Together we are like the 3-Six-Mafia but not quite. Now, I hope the blog will be more active than it has been in the past semester.

For those of who do not know Maggie, she is a former spy, maverick hairdresser, and a Senior public policy major.

The past few weeks of inactivity has cluttered up my closet and I need to throw some things out. This is not so much as my usual posts, but rather a required wrap-up of the week's events. The semester is finally over and the summer residents have relocated to the summer dorms. Moving was a pain. In fact, I am still not completely unpacked. I am now working full-time (and overtime) as a researcher for Professor James Bradfield in the Economics department. We are working on a new textbook on the Economics of Financial Markets. At the same time, I am interning at Strategic Investments LLC., Utica, NY in their portfolio research department. Should be a busy summer…

I thank everyone for the kind birthday wishes. Turning 21 is a big deal here. Did not particularly do much – it was still finals week! My friends rented a limo and we went to a restaurant, popped some champagne, consumed considerable alcohol, and smoked “Bye-Bye Twenty” at 5 am in the Graveyard watching the sunrise on May 13.

Here is a shout out to Anusha Pai, celebrating her 21^st on the 24^th day of May. Wishes from HamTech; hope you had a great lunch and dinner.

Shout out to Amod Prabhu recently engaged to Aditi Tendulkar (no relation)! Congratulations. I will be in India for the wedding in January.

Graduation or Commencement, as they call it at Hamilton, was on the 21^st. Hats, gowns, Scottish bagpipes, regalia, diplomas in Latin, the whole-shebang. Several close friends graduated this year and this is to wish them all the best. Here is to the Class of 2006.

Hann Yang: My fellow cynical modern algebra lover, I shall miss you.

Mark Lutenski: We never did finish “Big Trouble in Little China”.

Renny Usbay: I forgive you for not speaking to me a whole semester at ITS.

Minkyu Lee: Fellow social/cultural chair = colleagues at GoldmanSachs?

Kosta Popovic: QED.

Renita Moniaga: Stahnkenomics and Kokernomics left with you.

Andrew Fulton: Mar haba! Insh Allah, akhsub ghani. America, fuck yeah!

Andrew Kay: Forever the “shorts and t-shirt guy”.

Katie Cameron: That bad grade on our DE homework will haunt me forever.

John Champagne: Tune in to the Champagne Report?

Greg Gencarello: Naruto vs. Bleach.

Shin Okuzono: Ja ne. Gaam-baate.

Deenea Shepherd: Where’s the microwave?

David Chen: Asian Glo.

Andrew Lyons: I have to call you boss now?

Sushrut Acharya: Tabla in LA!

Qi Ge: Econometrics at Princeton!

Arezoo Taef: They left so much loot in Griffin Road.

Paul Torres: What is EAT SMA QQZ?

Daniele Roper: Comic relief in Peru.

Shraddha Shah: “Lurking Rrrr Proverb Man Future Plane Priya”.

In the words of Dean Paris: “Na, na, na, good-bye!” You must admit, the guy has a pretty good sense of humor.

There is still much to say. Initially we had plans to drive down to Syracuse for the weekend, but if that does not work out, expect a new post soon. Getting all set to bugger off to London... I think I'll back-pack around Europe for a while in August/September. I have way too much time to kill between leaving Ham and starting at LSE. Any suggestions on what I could do between the 10th of August and 24th of September is welcome. Keep in mind I'm a poor international from a third world country. In the meantime, I bid you adieu.